by no_bones

I was lounging around in my La-Zed-Boy (it’s a Canadian model) recliner last night when it occurred to me that I had used the word douchebag or one of its variants (douche, d-bag, motherfucking douchebag) about 15 times over the course of the day. It also occurred to me that the quickest way to kill the coolness of anything, especially a slang term, is to have it adopted and overused by the masses.

The masses lick balls.

Consider the graveyard of insults past:  Dickless.  Ass monkey. Smegma breath.  All classics from a bygone era, dead before their time.

Here on the cusp of 2010, it’s important that we adopt a new “go-to” insult.  Douchebag will be difficult to replace because it’s both a noun, and something you can buy at the grocery.  Plus, if we follow that line of thinking moving forward, i.e.  “Man, that guy is a real pantyliner,”  or  “Wow, she’s acting like such a sanitary napkin”  you can see that we end up with some pretty shitty put-downs.

I’m open to suggestions.  Should we go strictly with a body part i.e. “Dude, you’re being a total Cowper’s Gland right now,” or “Could you be a bigger vulva?”  Perhaps we should take a more elaborate compound approach with insults like Anus Renter, Jizz Vat, or Nut Gobbler?

The possibilities are endless!  And so is my excitement!

We’re going to miss you in ‘10, douchebag.  You’re in a class all by yourself,  but with a little perseverance and creativity we’ll be calling people wombat molesters, udder sniffers or hiney miners in no time!

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